Let Go

Boyhood movie

Today is the 31st of January. The first month of this year has already flown by, soon to be followed by the other eleven. And then another and another, it will keep going like this. And yet, simultaneously, there is only a single moment. And it is now.

Watched the movie Boyhood again last night. I enjoyed it just as much as the first time. I highly recommend it to anyone reading this.

 

I’ve been fascinated by listening to Alan Watts lately. His wise sonorous voice is going to be a part of my consciousness from now on I do believe.

I attended my grandfathers funeral on Thursday. I cannot express how appalling the minister was to me, and I’m sure many others. In a service that was meant to remember and honor a man, he instead used the bulk of our time trying to beat the “good news” into all of our heads. And he was all over the place, from the garden of Eden to pornography, drugs, deathbed conversions and how they are not a reliable bet…it was all just so inappropriate and unnecessary.

As I sat there though, I noticed a transition happen. I slowly slid from unbridled anger, to withdrawn pity and disdain. I saw an old man shouting into the abyss, shouting affirmations that helped him to justify his life’s work. It was so apparent that I wondered in that moment how anyone ever believed in this mockery. And then my eyes rose to see my grandfathers nose and folded hands which were all I could see above the rim of the coffin. This is why people allow all this foolishness, because it is too painful to watch people go and not be assured that they are not really gone. That somehow, in someway or another they will live on. That there is some plan, some wonderful grand scheme at work, and that one day it will all make sense. Just not today, so stop asking, just trust God.

But for some of us, that answer just stops being good enough. Some of us step out of the “light” and once our eyes adjust, we see just how much that light was blinding us all along. And then we start to slowly make our own light. We find something that we find noble and true, and we create a spark. And as we nourish it, and feed it, it becomes a flame. And one fine day, we will find ourselves clothed in fire, illuminating our path in all directions as we finally realize that only we can light our way. Because all other lights will blind you when you get too close to them, but the light that emanates from within, that light will let you see the world in all it’s glorious wonder and ineffable beauty. And all you have to do is the easiest and hardest thing imaginable. Let go.

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3 thoughts on “Let Go

  1. Love your description of finding your truth. “clothed in fire”

    I lost my grandmother in August last year, and I knew the funeral would not nourish my grieving process that much. So I went to visit her body at the funeral house, which is something people don’t really do anymore. I spent about 20 minutes alone with her body and it unlocked emotions I was suppressing and allowed me to express my grief more fully than I would have otherwise. After that I was able to let go.

    I agree about religious funeral services. Though it was what my gran wanted, and I respect that, I detest the way ministers use a person’s death as an opportunity to ‘convert the lost souls’. I find that disrespectful.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  2. This is very deep, I stumbled upon your blog through reddit post cause I wanted to kind of get a feel of blogging (I’m a new blogger. haha)

    And it seems fun, kind of getting into the feel of reading about people’s experience and thoughts. It’s honestly a new world.

    I wanted to talk about what you said about trusting in God. I’m not so great at dealing with life situations, I feel like I have been avoiding much of the tragic and hard times by running away and converting my problems into escaping into a video game I played during childhood (RuneScape).

    I am only trying my best to handle a lot of the struggles now as a young adult and in a way, that’s kind of what my blog is about. Journal of an young adult and my journeys.

    I honestly am terrified of life is capable of – “nothing is going to hit harder than life.” Now that I am forced to face the reality, it’s a scary thought to consider. But much of my time growing up, I had to learn to try my best to trust in the universe, to allow myself to just allow patience to guide me.

    It has worked wonders for me. Though I am still young and have much to learn, it’s wonderful to read other people’s work that radiance with one another. I truly love your writing, I hope you can rub off on me as a new writer and blogger. 🙂

    Many respects!

    NostalgiaInWonderland

    Liked by 1 person

    1. realize this comment is pretty old, but i’ve been inactive here for awhile and just now trying to get active again. Glad to see it looks like you’re still blogging. Will check your blog out asap. Keep it up. I missed it, and am only now remembering how important it was for me.

      Like

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