Avid Readers Wanted: Bookworms of the Internet Assemble

So, after a random discussion with a coworker, I have been inspired to dust off my cobweb crusted manuscript and seek some beta readers to help me out with some constructive criticism. This post is mainly to gauge interest from readers I have here, and if I can even get one or two people to help me out it would truly be incredible. I really want to finish out this book, since it’s my first serious attempt, and regardless of the final product I want to see it through despite a long break from it. I’m hoping the break may be just what I needed to come back to it with new eyes and really get to hacking away at it with a dull machete.

If you are interested in being a beta reader and even possibly helping me name the book please email me immediately at robbokemeyer@gmail.com with your preferred format (txt, pdf, epub, mobi, etc) and I will gladly get in touch with you about it. Thank you my fellow bibliophiles.

It goes without saying that any beta reader will receive a credit in the final work upon publication.

To hopefully whet your appetite, here is an excerpt from the book:

A Hero is Born


About three seconds later, he was afraid. This is because something had exploded against the rear of the helicopter. All of a sudden, the helicopter turned sideways, and went into a dive. Nikolas panicked. He was going to die. He was sure of it. They were probably a thousand feet in the air, and headed straight for the ground. Flames and smoke started to pour into the helicopter as they all clung to their seats as best they could hoping for a miracle. Nikolas closed his eyes and thought of Carina. He thought of her face. Her beautiful brown eyes, and slender body. He didn’t know how but he had to see her one more time. When he was a child he used to try to make things happen with his mind. He would stare at an empty coke can and try to make it move for an hour, and finally give up. Now, not knowing what to do, and knowing it was crazy he desperately started imagining the helicopter freezing in mid-air. He imagined stopping it from hitting the ground. They must be close to impact now, and it just kept falling. He knew he was crazy, but what else could he do. He didn’t want to look, he needed to distract himself from the moment they were consumed in the imminent fiery explosion. He only hoped he wouldn’t feel anything, that it would happen quickly. He again focused on trying to stop the helicopter with his mind, despite knowing he was being foolish.
As he continued straining to almost mentally pull against it, envisioning a force pushing up to offset the acceleration due to gravity, something he could not believe happened. They slowed dramatically. He continued focusing. He imagined the force upward increasing, and they slowed more, until they were almost gliding downward like a leaf on the wind.
“I am a leaf on the wind.” Nikolas said aloud. Nobody heard him. They were all looking around trying to figure out why they were slowing. Then suddenly the helicopter stopped and hung suspended in mid air.
Brock looked out the hole made by the explosion, and noticed they were suspended only about eight feet above the street. Cars had slammed on their brakes to avoid being hit, people were running in all directions and slowly stopping when they realized the impact should have occurred. They were turning back and gasping. The props were not spinning, and yet there they hung, as if hanging from an invisible wire.
“Nikolas!” Brock yelled, “why do you have your eyes closed?”
Suddenly as Nikolas opened his eyes, the helicopter suddenly dropped as if a trap door had opened beneath it. The impact with the street was pretty jarring, despite it only being an eight foot drop. But it didn’t even compare to what would have happened to them if they hadn’t been slowed down first.
As they all got up and crawled out of the helicopter, they ran a good distance away from it to safety. It was in fact still on fire, and could explode at any moment.
Nikolas was in shock, he wasn’t sure what just happened. All he knew is he was still alive, and that was a good thing.
“Nikolas,” Dr. Gray said in a hushed tone to avoid anyone but them hearing, “were you thinking about the helicopter stopping while your eyes were closed.”
“Yeah, how did you know? I thought back to when I was a kid and I would try to make things happen with my mind, you know, silly kid stuff. But that can’t be what happened, right? That’s crazy. Did the pilot regain control or something before we hit?”
“No son, I had no power the entire time, as soon as the explosion happened, I lost all control of the helicopter,” the pilot said, having overheard his question.
“My god, Brock,” Dr. Gray said with a look of sheer wonder on his face, “do you know what this means?”
“It means we have created the world’s first mind capable of telekinesis,” he responded.

exist crop blur contrast

Eternity

In a sea of information we swim,
but have trouble finding a drink to satisfy our thirst.
The future is awful grim They say,
the bubble must soon burst.

In a room, here alone, the world disappears,
learning to be comfortable with quiet,
allowing the subtle sounds to find my ears,
instead of assaulting them with the riot

of noise, noise, noise for the sake of distraction.
Of things, thoughts, reactions, the need for control.
It’s only through letting go that we grasp the truth,
breathe out, breathe in, do it again, be whole.

Remember what you forgot, how rain sounds
falling on plastic jugs, or how each drop makes
a tiny splash as they pelt the porch,
forget the fights, who’s right, or wrong,

remember the song, the one you heard
so long ago, the words of which you cannot lose,
it’s just you’ve temporarily misplaced them
amidst all your grown up cares and concerns.

The meaning of life, is to be alive, nothing less,
nothing more, all the striving to become
is pointless, you already are, accept
what is, and freedom will blossom

like roses, after rain, their beauty made more
beautiful by their thorns, look past
what you’ve been taught, to see yourself
in all things, and all things in yourself.

We cannot save this world, for it does not
need saving. It is, and that is enough.
Can’t you see the majesty of existence,
rough edges, cracks, and imperfection
do not need correction, they need inspection.
See that they are good, that they hold such truth
within them, if only we will stop trying to see
the world in black and white, and enjoy
the rainbow, the amazing spectrum of color
that our eyes delight in seeing, a reflection
of the diversity in our universe, the unseen
treasures waiting just beneath your nose,
like raindrops making music with garbage,
or the crimson petals of a fresh bloomed rose.

a stream of consciousness

I’m tired of trying to be perfect. One day in the future I’ll feed worms with the decaying organic matter that once was my body. And all I do here cannot change that. I don’t mean to sound depressing, but it’s true. Just learn to be. Be. I am here. Drain the marrow, smell the proverbial roses. Get stuck by the thorns, and bleed. Bleed that crimson fluid that feeds life to my cells. Pack shotgun shells with laughter, and shoot into the crowd. Laugh out loud. Dance sometime, and worry not how foolish it may look. Finish your book, and maybe don’t even let someone read it.But finish it so that you can say you did. And then maybe start another story, and another. Why can’t I write a story. I don’t care if anyone ever buys it. I don’t care if it is garbage. Write 500 and I’m sure that in that pile of shitponds, there will be one that stinks slightly less than the rest, at least one. But that’s just it you see, the point is not in the ending…no one really likes endings. The goal is not the goal, but it’s only after we reach it that we realize, we never wanted to reach it. We had fun working toward it, that’s where the magic is. In pursuing. The trick is to remain in a constant state of departure, while always arriving. The illusion tells us to look ahead to a moment we must get to…but that moment can only be now and we are there. When we get there it’s still now, and so we must stay vigilant against the illusion. The illusion robs us of our life, by telling us that we must get these things sorted first, then in some distant future when all is well we can sigh a deep sigh of relief and then, and only then can our life begin. But don’t you see, it’s a lie. Until you die, you will have problems, the only way to avoid them is to shut off completely and then you see that becomes a problem. But freedom lies in letting go. Letting go of needing the answers, letting go of needing to do the “right” thing, letting go of the pressure to be perfect often only coming from your own mind. You can do this. You can break free from the trap your mind wants to lure you into again and again. That vicious circle can stop, but you have to be willing to give up the fight. Only then can you be the victor, by losing. Losing the things that hold you down, that keep you unsatisfied, make you feel like you can’t have peace. Who says you can’t have peace, because you owe some money, some worthless rectangles of paper, because if you don’t do things just so, something bad might happen. Whoopity doo! Things will never cease to happen, they cannot. The nature of reality is just that, an ever present moment, that simultaneously holds all other moments, and things just keep on happening, all these wondrous and glorious things, things upon things upon things. And there are all these little small perspectives, these individuals looking out on them as if through a tiny gap in an enormous brick wall. They see a tiny little sliver of the picture and claim to know what it is they are seeing. But how arrogant when they have such a limited field of view. Break through that wall. Like the kid in your book. Self-Acceptance is the key that you came up with, they key symbolized by dynamite that he used to destroy the brick wall of worry, fear, and doubt. I think we can get rid of the self, thanks alan watts. The self isn’t necessary. The key is simply acceptance. Accept what is. Accept the bad, the good, the indifferent. Accept it all because the only other option is to spend every waking moment fighting tooth and nail with a reality that won’t give an inch to your whims or desires. Not because the world itself is fighting against you, but because you’ll discover all that resistance is a product of your own mind. You are in your own way, because you’ve forgotten that life is simply to be lived.

Back at it again

This will be a short post, because I don’t really have much content to share at the moment. My only real purpose for posting is to say that I will be doing my best to get back into blogging like I used to. For quite some time I have been out of it, and have only recently remembered how much I enjoyed it. I found such joy and inspiration not only in writing posts but in reading the wonderful posts of others, and their amazing comments on mine. I’m in a very transitional phase of my life, making tons of positive changes to attempt to make my life what I want it to be, rather than waiting around for something outside of me to do it.

For now, until I get some content to share I am following blogs that I find interesting and reading other peoples scintillating posts in an effort to build up my blog community a bit. So, with that I will leave you by saying expect more from this blog in the near future.

Let Go

Boyhood movie

Today is the 31st of January. The first month of this year has already flown by, soon to be followed by the other eleven. And then another and another, it will keep going like this. And yet, simultaneously, there is only a single moment. And it is now.

Watched the movie Boyhood again last night. I enjoyed it just as much as the first time. I highly recommend it to anyone reading this.

 

I’ve been fascinated by listening to Alan Watts lately. His wise sonorous voice is going to be a part of my consciousness from now on I do believe.

I attended my grandfathers funeral on Thursday. I cannot express how appalling the minister was to me, and I’m sure many others. In a service that was meant to remember and honor a man, he instead used the bulk of our time trying to beat the “good news” into all of our heads. And he was all over the place, from the garden of Eden to pornography, drugs, deathbed conversions and how they are not a reliable bet…it was all just so inappropriate and unnecessary.

As I sat there though, I noticed a transition happen. I slowly slid from unbridled anger, to withdrawn pity and disdain. I saw an old man shouting into the abyss, shouting affirmations that helped him to justify his life’s work. It was so apparent that I wondered in that moment how anyone ever believed in this mockery. And then my eyes rose to see my grandfathers nose and folded hands which were all I could see above the rim of the coffin. This is why people allow all this foolishness, because it is too painful to watch people go and not be assured that they are not really gone. That somehow, in someway or another they will live on. That there is some plan, some wonderful grand scheme at work, and that one day it will all make sense. Just not today, so stop asking, just trust God.

But for some of us, that answer just stops being good enough. Some of us step out of the “light” and once our eyes adjust, we see just how much that light was blinding us all along. And then we start to slowly make our own light. We find something that we find noble and true, and we create a spark. And as we nourish it, and feed it, it becomes a flame. And one fine day, we will find ourselves clothed in fire, illuminating our path in all directions as we finally realize that only we can light our way. Because all other lights will blind you when you get too close to them, but the light that emanates from within, that light will let you see the world in all it’s glorious wonder and ineffable beauty. And all you have to do is the easiest and hardest thing imaginable. Let go.

Going in late…

Today is a nice little break from the monotony. I’m going in late today, leaving Steve’s around ten. The catch of course is we have to work late today. We have to do some work in an elevator lobby for our Min Su job. I thought I would try to take this time this morning and do what I’ve been dying to do for some time now. Just take a breather, alone. Collect my thoughts. I’m not hoping for any specific results or anything. Its just something I haven’t done in way too long. Something I should do every day.

I’m in my way. Always. Never letting myself rest. Never allowing myself to just be okay with not being okay. Seems every day I fall a little more behind, and I just can’t keep track anymore. Bills, responsibilities, worries, they are all becoming a burden that is tough to carry alone. My shoulders are sore, as is the rest of me. I just long to feel hope again. To truly look forward to the future, instead of dreading each new day and all the new debt and drama it brings.

****************

I can’t progress if I’m constantly claiming negative things about myself and my life. I have to start shifting the focus. Yes, things are kind of messed up right now. I have let a lot of things slide. But, I cannot let the negative outweigh the positive.

I have a place to stay
I have people who love me
I have a good sense of humor
I am intelligent
I have great empathy and compassion
I am great at problem solving/troubleshooting
I have proven that I can persist even in things that are difficult, i.e. my job

It’s shocked me honestly that I am still doing this job. That I have missed only a single day in around seven months. I didn’t even really need to miss that day and I regretted it pretty soon after not going. I’ve had to develop a certain skill lately that I like to call “kicking myself in the ass.” Metaphorically of course. It’s that thing you do when you just can’t bring yourself to face the day. You wake up and the anxiety sets in, you ask yourself what’s the point of all this? And then a choice must be made. Will you give in to that? Will you let the negativity swallow you, or will you get to kicking your own ass and do what needs to be done. Because typically, for me at least, once I’m up and going, the rest of the day has a way of kind of working itself out. It’s that initial resistance in the A.M. that I have been learning to battle lately, and I must say to my chagrin am doing pretty well at.

I bought a new roll-around tool bag the other day at Lowe’s. I got tired of carrying a 5 gallon bucket and my cordless bag in and out of every job. The search for a good bag reminded me of something else I like about myself. I am great at researching and deliberating. Yes at times I can be spontaneous and make an uninformed purchase, but typically I carefully weigh all the options at my disposal and find the best value for my money combined with the best features for what I’m looking for. So it took me a few trips both to home depot, Lowe’s, and their respective websites before I finally settled on what was to be my new tool bag. There are a few minor things I dislike about it after using it for a couple days, but overall I am very satisfied.

image

My goals for 2015 (not resolutions :p)
Be present more
Cut yourself some slack
Edit your manuscript
Realize it’s okay to be confident Pay off Truck ASAP

2.0

We are all duped each and every day, until we see the light.
For months we see commercials telling us of the coming of something new,

something truly great, which, if we can only get hold of, will fill that void
we hadn’t even noticed until it was pointed out.

Sad souls, chasing the latest and greatest piece of planned obsolescence,
but we never notice the plan, instead we think things just change quickly,

but things don’t change, not really,

they just rearrange, because nothing is good until it’s new,
and nothing can be new for long.
A song gets old after several plays,
a new car loses something after a few days,

so they take a thing that was new, paint it a different hue,
use a new type of adamantium coated screw,
and then they unleash it alongside clever brainwashing techniques
to make the undiscerning wonder how they ever got through the day without it,

and then we all go out and willingly relieve ourselves of our cash to have this new thing.
Then comes the sting, you’re the proud owner of the greatest thing since sliced bread,

and in your head you feel that all the hours you worked to pay for it were worth it
for a few days, or months,
until you see the new commercial
advertising model 2.0.

The fuckers are brilliant, if only because they are persistent,
and of course because it keeps working.
There is big money in discontent,
imagine all the money spent to remedy the ache.

How much would it take for you to be happy?
How many more crappy devices must you consume,
before you recognize the lies they feed you.

The majority of us never see it, and probably never will.
Instead we try to keep up this fools pace, to stay one step ahead,
or if we can’t envy those who can, hoping one day we can count ourselves

among the fortunate ones.

Imagined exclusivity calls us to buy mass manufactured goods thinking we’ll be part
of a privileged few.

And so we make payments
to count ourselves among the millions or billions who are just as gullible as us.

————-